The Art Of Grinding

A Million Wayz to Grind; Choose 1

2010-06-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have felt my creativity in the field of dry humping had slowed since the double ass slap, here are a few jamaicans changing up the game!

Pon De Floor featuring Afro Jack & VYBZ Cartel from Mad Decent on Vimeo.

Expressing Myself Artistically

2009-12-20T21:36:00.000-08:00

Gucci Mane

2009-07-19T11:25:00.001-07:00

Turns out you can do whatever the fuck you want if you're a rapper... and skanks will still hop on you!

"I would let him hit it raw!"

Gucci Mane hitting it raw

Tech News

2009-07-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

Finally we have moved out of the dark ages in the grinding technology! This new invention will revolutionize grinding as we know it. No longer will you have to use your imagination or sense of touch to grind what would be a boner against a girl.
When you get a girl home and she sees what amazing underwear you are wearing watch out for flash vaginal flooding (wow that was douchey even for this blog). THANK YOU INTERNATIONALJOCK.COM!

"Deeb's"

2009-07-10T12:32:00.001-07:00

I feel I live up to the definition but not the photo! Although I do believe this to be an outdated version of the DBag. Updates would include Ed Hardy, Tap Out, and Bandanas. I'm only Dbag by the way I act not dress... thats better right?

Grind Of The Week 2

2009-07-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

Ok. So. i put no time or effort into this (it's sad that i do for my barely literate other posts) but... my girl for this week goes to LA LA VazquezLa La is my sassy minx VJ from MTV! What a nugget! She is married to Carmelo Anthony which for some reason makes me want her more, but only because I don't know who the Birdman is tappin'!

Throwback Video

2009-07-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

This is a classic and I know everyone has seen it but it more then deserves a spot on The Art Of Grinding

The Art

2009-07-06T11:10:00.000-07:00

The Art Of Grinding isn't just our blog name, but our passion. We are more connoisseurs of both the Fine Arts and Grinding. When the two come together it's just magic! Here is a new piece being shown at the Brooklyn Museum from UK-based Nigerian artist Yinka Shonibare.
SIMPLY STUNNING!

80's 90's and Today

2009-07-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

You know all the words to Journeys "don't stop believin"? Cool! You really like "Pour Some Sugar on Me" too? RADICAL! Can 80's night get any better, BRO? I don't think so! Lets dress up like total assholes it'll be totally sweet and hilarious! Noone would ever expect to wear leg warmers pink fanny pack and funny glasses.... IF THIS IS YOU... YOU'RE ANNOYING AND UNORIGINAL
80's have to be the most played out party and club theme ever!!! Most of the music from this era is barely grindable and definitely not dry humpable for the untalented like yourselves (DryHumpLegend could pull it). For some reason every frat guy and sorority skank love 80's night. I say this because I go to a club that has the big 80's night every week (I go because the bouncers are very lenient to underage girls, me gusta!). What gets me is that 90 percent of the people who go there are born between 83-91. SO their only memory from that decade were the Care Bears. The obvious best nastalgic era for bars or parties is 90's. Its an era that bar goers and drinkers intimately know and can associate with. Things like their first dance, first time they fingered a girl (to not come off sexist this could also be the first time they experienced being fingered), and the Mtv spring break shows we all jerked off to when our parents weren't home!

Jodeci - Freek'N You

The music is just so much better for the grinding and dryhumping. With classic grind anthems from Ginuwine, Next, early Usher, R. Kelly, 2 Live Crew, Biggie, 2PAC, Bel Biv Devoe, Digital Underground and so many more. Plus they had sweet ass dances like "Tootsee Roll" by 69 Boyz (douchey name of band, love it), "Cmon & Ride it (the train) by Quad City DJs, and my personal favorite once again from 69 Boyz "the dip". Plus some ballads that will bring you back to your first slow dance boner with KC and Jojo, Boyz II Men, Jodeci and my main man Keith Sweat! I could go for days about how great the music is but I will stop... Now, the other reason people love 80's night is to dress like a total a-hole so girls think they have a sense of humour (i spell it with a U because I'm classy like that). 90's attire is something special to say the least! You could dress up like the wigger guy from Can't Hardly Wait. U could pull out a sweet puffy starter jacket with a nice raiders or white sox's cap and look like you are in Bel Biv Devoe. My personal favorite would be to get multi colored coats with sailing embroideries and light colored denim jeans and timbalands and go in a group as Boyz II Men. GIrls, tease your hair like whitney in the Bodyguard or go all spice girls.In conclusion, Lets make this happen guys! Keep posted as i have been inspired to make a 90's set list that will be sure to get you in the proper mood for grinding aka I will be givin you guys some boner jams!

Drinkin' Weeken'

2009-07-04T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's the good ole 4th O' July everybody! Happy Birthday America lets get drunk... real drunk! Booze and grinding go together like meat heads and Ed Hardy. Some of my best moves on the magic floor have come from being Patrick Schwaysted. The art of booze grinding comes from finding your happy drunk medium. For me, that is when I'm too drunk to cum during sex but can still get it up. If you get too drunk to get it up, why are you even grinding you sloppy fuck! If you are a chick and you are reading this you just want to be able to keep your balance when getting thrusted on. Classic example of too drunk to dance. Luckily I am such a good grinder that me at 20 percent can still put it down, look at her face of enjoyment still! Am I trying to raise the roof?
This girl came over to me for a bit of the bump n grind earlier in the night. Later she returned for another serving, wasted! Swaying all over the place, her friends told me "just make sure she doesn't fall over". I, as a gentlemen, passed her onto someone random as to free up my pelvis for a better (soberer) grinder. Next time I saw her she was being escorted out of the club and I was deep into an amazing grind session. HOLLER!

Cheat On You

2009-07-03T13:10:00.000-07:00

A song dedicated to girls about why they deserve to get cheated on. I fucking love Trey Songz!

I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with why I have never had a GF.

P.S. Check out "Infidelity" by Trey Songz for another cheating gem!

Grind Of The Week

2009-07-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

This is a segment I hope to actually do every week. This award goes to the girl I'm yearnin' to grind against at that moment. And the first winner of this prestigious honor goes to none other then the one... the only... LIL MAMA

I'm not sure what it is, but there is something about people with the name Lil that makes them so rad (Lil Wayne, Lil Flip, Lil Troy, Lil miss sunshine, and Lil Saint (RIP)... plus plenty more!). When not staring at Mario Lopez on Americas Best Dance Crew you'll see this cutie in the middle of N*sync's "not justin guy" and the gangster dance judge(?). Get her away from the crew and you know she will drop it like its hot, scolding hot! I would be psyched to be watching that bejewled hat bounce up and down. Guaranteed she would pop a lot more then her lip gloss, if you know what I'm sayin'?! I have an "appetizer" just talking about her. Thank you Lil Mama for everything!

Hype Williams' my douchey hero!

2009-07-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

Usher's "Nice and Slow" off his sophomore album is an all time fucking classic slow grind song! The video puts this song as an over the top celebration of everything douchey!

Usher - Nice & Slow
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Video starts with him arriving on a private jet and getting picked up by a Benz! Ballin' and super douchey! I like it. Then starts his minute of dancing around and talking on the phone with no shirt. I do this, its douchey.
Around 46 seconds: what the fuck is Kimora lee wearing? Is that peacock on top of leopard print? CAN SOMEONE SAY HIDEOUS!!!
50 seconds: Sweet air dryhumping!!! I can see now where Pipelayer learned his moves!
57 seconds: "I got plans to put my hands in places I've never seen! Girl, you know what i mean!" I know what your saying Ush. Your going to go str8 gyno on this chick... I like it, real douchey!
1:15 Now Kimora has a Mink coat. In your face PETA! douchey again!
1:35 Silk shirt completely unbuttoned playing a Lil Wayne-esque guitar part in front of the Eiffel Tower... Classy!
1:50 getting mugged by Urkel
2 minutes: Girl in cage, Douchey. Now no shirt in front of Eiffel Tower. Douchey. So mad he throws a phone. Russel Crowe Douchey!
2:30 Motorcycle helmet worn for Bad Ass look and absolutely no safety. WELL DONE!! Are you even allowed to ride a motorcycle with an eyepatch... i hope not!
2:50 Smoke bombs are gnarly. Game over bad guys! you just got smoke bombed!
3:14 Usher's KO move the old slide tackle! Can't get up from a slid tackle beat down like that.
Rest of the video: Saves the girl before the smoke bomb turns into a real bomb. does some awesome nautical themed dry humping in front of a tanker with his shirt off. Find out kimora set the whole thing up so she could take his ransom money (for what im sure would be used to buy, skin and wear the animals of the SD zoo).

THANKS HYPE!

Uncomplicated Cock

2009-07-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

Since my fellow blogger wrote a heart-warming article about yours truly I would like to repay the favor and let our numerous readers get to know "The Grinder."

The relationship between me and the grinder began when we were socially awkward 14 year olds that had never rubbed our privates on any ladies. He was about 4' tall and had braces, but I could tell at an early age that this kid was blessed with moves. He was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to the ladies, many times we thought him to be gay, but he is making up for it now.

He had a girlfriend once for about 2 weeks but that's not the lifestyle that he leads. He is the biggest man slut I have ever known, and I'm actually kind of worried about him. If you need a late night booty call this is your guy. "If you are a lady he will finger you with his penis."

His moves on the dance floor are crisp and technical, a subtle blend of finesse and power. I have seen this guy get more hand jobs on the dance floor than Kobe has championship rings. He really is the Fred Astaire of grinding. His signature move the double hand floor slap sends chills down your spine.

Overall I think he has some sweet moves, and to top it off he's the best fingerer I know, which I have witnessed multiple times. He is in severe need of medical attention

The Loneliest Wolf

2009-06-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

I'd like to inform our readers who we are but writing about myself makes me feel a little douchey (normally this wouldn't stop me, see everything i have written on this blog so far for confirmation).
Who Is The DryhumpLegend?
I've known this tall glass of water(6'4") since freshmen year in high school when he was supporting a nice bowl haircut. He was the first of our group to lose his virginity( side note: this was in the truck i have since bought from him, thats 8 years strong of sexual fluids for just one mazda!). He has I believe had 3 or 4 real girlfriends but he wants one so bad he would give up all his friends for it. He is completely delusional when it comes to girls. If you have said hello to him in the last 2 years he has told me that he loves you. He currently is in love with a girl that he met once in Peru. I saw the best dry humping ever done on this girl by him. He once broke a mirror in a club dry humping a girl so hard (it was impressive). An average grinder with loads of intensity. If you buy this man a shot of whiskey he is likely to finger a girl and slap you in the face afterwards. His game is awkward when they can properly speak english, although he could be described as a language barrier Casonnova. All in all, I'd have to say he is a hilarious kid who needs serious psychiatric help.

Beso! Beso! Beso!

The Grinder Vs. Dry Hump Legend

2009-06-29T20:39:00.001-07:00

Me and my blogging amigo are in the middle of a very heated bet to get a gf and keep her for 3 months. This bet has been going for more months then it should (roughly 10 months). The loser of this bet has to pay for the winner and his girlfriend to get photos taken at the mall. After this the loser has to frame the biggest size of the photo they make and hang it on his wall for the next year.

The Rules:
1. The 3 months start the day you introduce the girl to your friend as your gf in front of her.
2. If you sleep with your friends gf in the 3 months the other person automatically wins.
3. No long distance relationships. (real disadvantage to the ole dry humper who cant get girls who speak english fluently)

Thank You Fox

2009-06-29T19:14:00.000-07:00

Couldn't be more excited about fox's new show coming in the Fall "More to Love" It's basically the bachelor but with only fat people.

the log ride

2009-06-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

Ever since I started this blog I keep getting asked the same question: Is it okay to get an erection while grinding? And my answer to that is yes, it's more then okay, I encourage it!

Next - Too Close
Uploaded by Drunken-Li-Dragon. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

I don't even call it an erection when it happens during grinding, I call that complimenting a girl! It's a non verbal way of expressing to your dance partner that they are doing an excellent job and you find them attractive. I have never met a girl that didn't like a compliment! Now there are 2 different types of grinding boners. Let me lead you through what they are, and what they tell the girl.

The first is called the semi or the "Appetizer". Named because this is what happens before the main course of total erectiondom. The appetizer is when you have a little blood rushing through your bone-zone as to expand its general area, but not so much as it is to start raising that denim off your leg. This is the best wiener technique in dancing! The girl would have to be a real whose who of the grinding world to know what's going on down there. To her she is thinking, "Wow! This guy has a bigger size genitalia then i remember from the last time I bounced myself off him". The key to great grinding is being able to make and keep semis.

Well done my lady! You have bumped n grinded your way onto the main course! Now it gets a little trickier since you're not whispering to the girl what you want to do to her, you are yelling it! Hey, that's okay! I doubt you were grinding with this girl because you really thought she would be a great friend down the road! Lets be real you just wanted to show her you can dance well enough that you won't be the worst sex she has ever had (she can find that out later, wink). Keep your normal grinding and feel it out. Did she recognize what's going on and now seem to grind harder? Or is she letting off the throttle and giving you some space? If its the first, you are stoked! Time to get nasty on the dance floor! I recommend your best dry humping. If she seems to back off, well man you tried! You can give up or get her drunker... you decide!

Diddy

2009-06-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

So I started writing this post about how proud I am of Diddy for dry humping this big girl.

I soon found out it is a common thing in the hip hop world to grind big girls, So i dedicate this post to all the hip hoppers that put it down on the big girls on stage.

A whole new respect for Chris Brown

She may not be big but she is 14

I'm sure theres many more out there and I'm very disapointed that I could not find one of R. Kelly.

greatest grind song ever!

2009-06-28T14:46:00.000-07:00

Once in a lifetime does a song come around and completely change the way you see the world! The video for Pony by Ginuwine makes you contemplate the beauty of diversity. It says, "Hey, my saddles might be x-rated, but I don't care, why don't you just jump on it anyway". This song is about acceptance and finding that special someone! Please enjoy the Rachmaninoff of our time!

Ginuwine - Pony
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what is grinding?

2009-06-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

For complete losers who don't know anything important:

Grinding(Verb) a type of dancing that incorporates rythm, spontaneity, and dry humping. "I was grinding the hottest floozie... boner!"

Grinding to me is pure ecstasy! It's a way for girls to act slutty and call it dancing. Also works way better then a pickup line for people who can't pick up chicks with interesting conversation(like myself). Grinding can be very sensual(lovey dovey genital rubbing) or hedonistic(impressive dry humping). Best music for this type of dancing is Hip Hop, Rap, RnB and sometimes Rock(think strip club songs). When used well, grinding will lead to an increase in the number of overall floozies you know.

Now that you know what it is, go to a nightclub and observe...

My first blog!

2009-06-27T23:18:00.000-07:00

Attn: Ladies and Gentlemen....

What you are about to read on this blog will be a complete waste of your time! This will be an indepth look of what 2 straight single guys who live at home do and don't do. We will tell some stories and share our misguided opinions. Prepare to get a little douchier!

One Love!